Author: ctk753

Surgery tomorrow.  So much of me is really not ready to talk about it, but I will say, that I had confidence that God would prepare me and He has.  I’m still numb, in shock, and utter disbelief.  How did I get here?  Is this all a bad dream cause it sure feels like it? However,  I had the first procedure today in preparation for tomorrow so it’s actually moving forward.  Dye was injected into my breast which will flow into my lymph nodes.  They will be removed and checked for pathology.  I’ve so hoped that the lymph nodes would be clear and I still am hoping.

But I had a phone call today with a precious sister who has been through this.  She talked to me about putting our hope completely in the person of Jesus Christ.  And oh how right she was!  “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.” Psalm 62: 5  I realized that I’ve been putting my hope in a positive outcome on tests.  As she reminded me, life is too hard to ever put our hope in any circumstance.  How many times I’ve spoken to others about the hope that doesn’t disappoint – Jesus Christ, “Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:5.  And yet in my current trial I had become so focused on pathology tests and hoping in that.

I’m so thankful for the truth that this sister imparted to me, because it caused an immediate shift in my thinking and my perspective.  We so need to surround ourselves with the body of Christ, not just in the difficult times, but also in the good times.

I’ve always thought of myself as a strong person, but I will tell you that this current trial has revealed to me just how weak I am.  But that’s a good thing because I’ve seen the true reality that I’m totally dependent upon Jesus Christ.  When I’m weak, He is strong.  (2nd Corinthians 12:9) He is carrying me through this trial and He is my hope and my deliverer.  He is my all and all.  Truly, I am in the palm of His hand.

I thank all of my brothers and sisters for the outpouring of love, prayers, and thoughts.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This battle with cancer isn’t completely in my mind as it’s obviously a physical battle as well, but for me at this moment, my main battle is in my mind as I prepare for surgery this week.  This new journey is so foreign to me and coupled with the shock that’s surrounding it all, my mind is bombarded with thoughts and truthfully, many of them are negative.  I’m having to constantly wield the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God to fight against these thoughts.  So this morning, first thing, I’m reminded to put on the full armor of God so that I may withstand the fiery darts of the enemy and to fight against the lies that he’s throwing at me.

Ephesians 6:10 – 20  tells us exactly what to do: “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

¹⁴ Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; ¹⁶ above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. ¹⁷ And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; ¹⁸ praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— ¹⁹ and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.”

As a starting point we must believe God and believe that His words are truth.  Once that has been established in our hearts and mind, we’re ready to move forward.  God’s word says that He has provided both offensive and defensive weapons for us to use in order to defeat the enemy and the lies that he whispers into our ears and minds.  We must use them all through the power of the Spirit in order to stand strong and victorious in our battles and trials.  These verses in Ephesians tell us to put on the whole armor of God which is to put on Jesus Christ.  Every part of the armor mentioned in these verses is a part of Jesus or a gift from Him, and we must apply and appropriate every gift that He has given to us.  As we obey and use His gifts, we are enabled to stand strong during the battle or trial.

First, we are to gird our waist with truth – the truth of God’s Word and the truth of who God is.  In order to understand this principle, it’s helpful to take a brief look at the clothing during Christ’s day.  Men and women alike wore tunics, and a girdle made of cloth or leather was placed at the waist to hold money, tools and other things.  The girdle was also used to hold up the tunic, especially the hem of the garment, when needed.  When men went into battle, the hem of their tunic was tucked into the girdle to make it shorter so that they could be free to run or jump, unencumbered by the clothing.

In this same way, we are to gird our waists with truth and Jesus, the Word, is the truth.  John 17:17 says, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth,” and He said in John 14:6, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”  John 8:31 & 32 says, “To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. ³² Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  This is exactly what happens when we gird our waist with the truth of Jesus Christ – we are set free!  We are set free to focus our thoughts on the truth of what the Bible says and the truth of who Jesus is.  We are then unencumbered by earthly issues and circumstances, and we are free to move forward in the Spirit of God and all that He has for us.  We are free to enjoy our relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and to grow more and more into the image of Jesus.  We are free to trust Him and free to walk by faith rather than sight.  

When you’re dealing with a diagnosis like cancer or any other serious trial, your life has been turned upside down and there is no longer a normal.  Because you’re so vulnerable, the enemy of God turns up the attacks through speaking lies into your mind.  But God has provided a solution and a way of victory through Jesus Christ.  It’s not easy to use these weapons when you’re in the midst of such a trial, but take courage and engage in the fight.  Cry out to God and speak His truth.  Memorize Scripture.  Play worship music.  Enlist the help of brothers and sisters who will speak the truth of God to you.  You are not alone in this battle and you will be victorious through Jesus Christ.

Dear Father, Thank you for giving us the weapons that we need to win the battles against the enemy.  Thank you for giving us everything that we need in order to be victorious during these really hard battles.  Please give us courage and strength to engage in the battle and provide us with brothers and sisters who will come along side of us to hold up our arms when we can’t and to wield the weapons of warfare when we’re too weak.  We thank you for the freedom that You give to us in and through Jesus Christ.  We cry out to You, O God, for your strength when we’re weak and feel like we can’t do this. The truth is that we can’t do it without You O God.  We need You so!  O how we need You.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

Proverbs 3: 5 & 6    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. “ 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is the ^[a]substance of things hoped for, the ^[b]evidence of things not seen.

Faith – it’s a beautiful word which just seems to flow as we speak it.  Faith defined (you can tell that I like word definitions as they help me comprehend the true meaning) is belief, trusting, and loyalty to God especially when we don’t have concrete evidence.  So faith is believing in God, believing what He says is true, and believing in His character and who He says He is.  Faith in Jesus Christ is placing our trust in Him even when things aren’t going our way.  It’s choosing to trust Him even when we can’t see what He’s doing or what His plan is.

But you see, I have concrete proof that God is real and that He’s alive and active in our lives.  Jesus Christ told me that I had a lump and when I ignored that, the next day He took my hand right to it.  That is evidence and proof enough for me.  But honestly, I’ve had evidence all along my life journey.

I grew up believing that I was a Christian.  My family went to church, we prayed and read the Bible.  But the truth is, I was living for myself and my own selfish desires.  When I was 32 years old, I was at the bottom of a deep, dark pit of depression and misery.  Jesus Christ reached down into that pit, took my hand and pulled me out, and I’ve never looked back.  He saved me through His shed blood on the Cross and became the Lord of my life.  He also healed me of depression and panic attacks, and has walked with me through the good, bad, and the ugly of life.  Once again, He’s walking me through this dark valley of cancer.

Over the years, I’ve come to know Him more and more.  I’ve come to know how much He loves me and my family, and how I can absolutely trust Him no matter what I’m going through.  Honestly at some point, you have to make a decision if you’re going to trust Him and walk in faith or if you’re going to allow yourself to be thrown to and fro in indecision.  I’m choosing to take a stand, put a stake in the ground to trust Him, and to walk in faith.  This cancer journey is the most difficult path that I’ve traveled, but I must choose to believe in Jesus Christ and believe that He is always good and always working a good plan.  I don’t know what His plan is in this, but I do know that He is sovereign and in control and I can stand on that truth alone.  So can you.

I don’t mean to sound trite because this is no easy journey.  It’s taking every ounce of my being to stand in the truth but guess what?  I don’t have to depend on my strength because He promises to give me His strength. 2nd Corinthians 12:10 says, “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” And in 2nd Corinthians 12:9, “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  When I’m weak, the door is opened for Him to pour Himself, including His strength and power as well as His grace, love, and mercy into me.  He empowers me through Holy Spirit to continue on.  As I choose to believe Him, and He says that’s my only work, John 6:29,  “Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent,” I can rest in Him.

As we walk in faith, fear has no place and fear loses.  It’s literally pushed out and away.  Faith is the door stopper so to speak, the bouncer at the door that says, “NO fear, you can’t come in.  You’re not welcome!”  The truth is, fear is a liar!  https://youtu.be/1srs1YoTVzs   So join with me today and make a decision to stand on the Rock, and that Rock is Jesus Christ.  Surrender yourself to Him completely and allow Him to walk you through your dark valleys! You will never be alone and He will provide everything that you need for the journey.  Just believe!

Dear Father, we pray in Jesus name that in our weakness, You are strong.  We thank you for Your strength that carries us through the really hard places when we are weak and fainthearted.  We depend upon You to fill us with Your Holy Spirit during this cancer trial as well as other trials, to speak truth to us and to keep us in the palm of your hand.  We pray that You will grow and strengthen our faith and that fear must leave us in Jesus Name.  We thank you that we have the victory through Jesus Christ and His shed blood on Calvary.  We love you and praise You and give You the glory forever and ever.  In Jesus precious name we pray, Amen!

2nd Timothy 1:7  “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. ” 

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

As the days pass, my emotions have crossed the line from anxiety to fear in this battle with breast cancer, and the battle with fear is real.  I’ve been fighting it on a daily basis, especially as the surgery date becomes closer and reality sets in.  Google fear on the internet and you find this definition:  noun – an unpleasant feeling caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or is a threat.  I really don’t need to define fear for you though,  because you know what it is.  We all experience fear in one form or another as we walk our individual journeys through life.

Cancer is definitely fear provoking as it’s “dangerous, likely to cause pain and is certainly a threat”.  (Honestly, I can’t even believe that I’m writing about cancer in my own life.  I’m still in shock.)  There are many things to fear with a cancer diagnosis, and that’s why it’s so important to focus on the truth of God’s Word and not the facts about cancer.  Focusing on the cancer and facts about it, only increases fear and can lead to panic (sudden uncontrollable anxiety or fear) and much misery.  I’ve been battling all of these in the last few weeks.

Two months ago, I bought my grandson a book for his graduation, Joshua, Mighty Warrior and Man of Faith, by W. Phillip Keller who also wrote  A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23.  I failed to change the address on the shipping information and the book came to me.  I thought that I’d take a look at it before I mailed it on.  The book is amazing so I kept this copy and sent my grandson another one.  Reading the book has made me want to be a Joshua as he was a man with unshakable, fearless faith that no matter what, He trusted and obeyed God without question and hesitation.  Keller writes about faith versus fear and what he writes about fear is absolutely accurate and on point.  He says that focusing on facts through our intellect rather than focusing on the Spirit realm and what God says, leads to fear; and fear leads to fantasy of foreboding and terrifying fantasies which lead to failure.  In this case of battling cancer, failure is losing peace and living in anxiety and fear.  When we look at the facts through the lens of anxiety and fear, we see giants that seem insurmountable and impossible to overcome, and we can become fainthearted and weak.

Fear is probably the greatest tool that the enemy uses to discourage, disarm, destroy, and defeat God’s children.  Fear can be a stronghold which holds believers captive to the enemy, and is an argument that the enemy uses against the truth and knowledge of God.  Combine fear with arguments against who God is and then bombard us with lies and unbelief to draw our attention away from Jesus and you have a recipe for disaster – which includes emotional and mental issues as well as physiological changes such as pounding heart, increased blood pressure, depression, and the list goes on.  This is the strategic plan of the enemy.  He can’t steal a believer’s salvation, but He can attempt to steal our joy and peace as well as our effectiveness for the Kingdom of God.

If fear is one of the greatest tools of the enemy, what are our tools as God’s children?  The truth is, God gives us many tools and they are greater and more powerful than the enemy’s tools.  Actually God’s tools are weapons that we use to combat fear because we are in a battle – a battle for our faith, peace and joy, even in the midst of a battle with cancer.  But we must pick up these weapons and use them, although there are times that we just can’t wield our own weapons and we need the body of Christ to come along side to fight for us.  Second Corinthians 10:3-5 says,  ^{3 “}For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. ⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not [a]carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, ⁵ casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. ”   

In order to pull down the stronghold of fear and cast down every high thing (fear in this case) that is speaking against God in our minds and hearts, we must use our weapons that include but are not limited to reading our Bibles, individual and corporate prayer, worship, Bible study, and gathering with other believers.  First, I believe that we must know what God has to say, and He has a lot to say about fear.  He tells us at least 80 times to fear not.  For God to tell us something that many times, it’s obvious that He knows that fear is a big deal, and that the enemy is going to use it against us.  To combat fear and to pull down this stronghold of fear, we must saturate our minds in the truth of God’s Word through knowing His Word, memorizing His Word, and declaring His Word out loud.  Remember that “faith comes through hearing and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17).  I’ve come to the realization that I can’t make it through this battle mentally without saturating my mind in His Word so I’m trying to memorize more scripture and speak it over and over.  The main verse that I’m focusing on right now is Isaiah 41:10,

“Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Focusing on God’s word doesn’t change the fact that I’m in a battle with breast cancer, but it does bring me back to the truth that I’m not in this battle alone and that God is sovereign over all of my circumstances.  It brings me back to the truth that I belong to Jesus Christ, that He loves me, that He will never leave me, and that He is working a good plan in my life.  Is this all hard?  Absolutely but I want to be a Joshua who Phillip Keller wrote had “fearless faith”, and I want to walk in the peace that only Jesus Christ can give.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” 

Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.” 

1 John 4:18 “Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear”

Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer.” 

Dear Father, thank You that You are our God; that even now You are strengthening us and helping us through the trials and battles of life.  Thank You that you are holding us up and that You will never let us go.  Thank you that we can rest in Your loving arms during these really tough battles or just when we’re weary.  Father, we do pray that You will heal those battling cancer or other diseases and that You provide whatever we need for total healing.  We thank You, we love You, and we praise You!  In the mighty name of Jesus Christ e pray.  Amen.

Picture courtesy of Pezibear @ pixabay.com

Free Image Courtesy of Wokandapix at Pixabay.com

In my previous post, I wrote about the roller coaster ride that I was on last week, and the anxiety that I experienced. I believe that there’s much more to speak about on this subject of anxiety.  For one, when we hear the word cancer, doesn’t anxiety often pop up in the pit of our stomachs?  It has for me, for sure.  Anxiety causes such feelings as “worry, fear, apprehension and nervous feelings” but what is it.  https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/info/anxiety)  Googling anxiety and we find anxiety defined as “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. ” Often anxiety comes because we don’t know the end result and we can’t control the outcome.

At one time or another, we’ve all experienced anxiety.  Maybe it was something like an algebra test in high school or a soccer tournament with our greatest competitor. Maybe anxiety comes as we go on our first interview, or maybe it’s that dreaded phone call from our doctor giving us the bad news that the tumor was cancer.  A cancer diagnosis certainly brings an uncertain outcome and unease about an imminent event such as surgery or other treatments such chemotherapy or radiation or even uncertainty about the prognosis.

Anxiety may be a simple case of butterflies or it might be a terror that overwhelms us in the night.  In either case, it’s not comfortable and may be quite painful or even terribly fear provoking.  No matter what the case, as I mentioned in the earlier post, God speaks to us about anxiety, and we can clearly hear His word as Paul writes in Philippians 4: 6 & 7  “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”  These were the first verses that I wrote on a note card as a new believer and carried around in my pocket.  I struggled with anxiety as a single mother with two small children, and this verse brought me great comfort.  Every time I felt anxious, I would pull the card out of my pocket and read these verses over and over.  I began to receive peace, healing and deliverance.   But really, how do we get this peace and how can we overcome anxiety?

The answer, I believe,  lies in the verses right before 6 and 7:  “Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again I will say, rejoice!  5 Let your gentleness be known to all men.  The Lord is at hand.”  Here’s our answer:  the Lord is at hand, He is right here with us and we can trust that He is working good! We are to rejoice always no matter what our circumstances are and no matter what trials we are facing because —- THE LORD IS AT HAND! He is right here with us, guiding, directing, providing, protecting, loving, and caring for us.  He is holding us up.  There are many scriptures about God holding us with His hand but look at Isaiah 41:10:  “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”  He is here; He is close at hand; He is holding us up and strengthening us.  We need not be afraid.  He is our God and He loves us so.  He is near, we can trust Him, and we can be anxious for nothing!

The question becomes, do I really believe this?  Have I really  decided to place my trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and believe Him: what He says and His promises?   Have I decided to make Him the Lord of my life, surrender to His will and His ways, and follow Him no matter what?  Will I worship Him in bad times as well as the good ones?  It’s easy to say yes to Jesus and praise Him when things in my life are going well, but what happens when things aren’t going so well?  What happens when now, at this point in my life I receive a cancer diagnosis after battling Lyme Disease for 25+ years?   Will I say yes to Jesus and praise Him now when things are tough? Will I praise Him in the good and bad times?  At some point as Christians, we have to confront this question: no matter how rough, no matter how scary, no matter how painful, will I choose to believe Jesus Christ, His Word and His promises.

My battle with Lyme Disease and other issues  brought me to this point a few years ago.  Things in my life just weren’t going well.  I had hopes and dreams and yet, disappointment, pain and illness abounded.  I had been a Christian for many years, but this seemed to be the hardest place I had been in since I was saved.  I had been in the wilderness before, but this wilderness was different.  For one, it was lasting way longer than I thought it should or that it would, and God seemed silent and far away.  In this wilderness place, I was confronted with this question:  would I REALLY believe Jesus? Would I REALLY believe His promises in this hard place?  Would I say yes to Him, even in the midst of disappointment, heartache and illness?  By the grace of God, in this wilderness place, I said “Yes, Lord, I will believe You and I will worship You”.  But truly Peter gives us the answer in John 6:68 & 69, and it is the answer of my heart, “Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. Also, we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.”

Peter got it right!  When we come to believe and know that Jesus is truly the Son of God and that He died on the cross so that we may live and have eternal life, there is no other place to go and truly no other place that we would want to go.  There is such love, security, and safety in knowing that Jesus is the Son of God and that as believers, we are in Him. If today, you find yourself in a really difficult place, make that decision to believe Jesus, believe that His promises are true and amen, and decide that you will not waver no matter what comes your way.  In the midst of this cancer diagnosis, I MUST choose every minute of every day to believe that Jesus’ words are true, that He is faithful and that I can trust Him no matter what things look or feel like.  When the anxiety comes,  I can abide in His peace that surpasses understanding because He is right here with me; He is at hand.  This is the truth!

Many blessings to you, dear friend!

Prayer:  Dear Father, I thank You that You are at hand. You are right here with me and I can reach out, knowing that You are so close.  You are loving and protecting me, watching over me and upholding me with Your righteous right hand.  Even in the midst of this really difficult trial, You are here with me.  You will never leave me nor forsake me, and You will cover me in your peace that surpasses understanding.  You are my rock and fortress and I will ever praise You.  Please Father, pour out your grace and mercy on all who are hurting and afraid, strengthen us all and give us extraordinary faith by the power of the Holy Spirit to believe You and believe that Your word is yes and amen.  You are the great physician, please heal and deliver all who are sick and all who are hurting and broken. We love you so.  We pray in the precious name of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Amen. 

Jeremiah 29:11  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Image Courtesy of paulbr75 at Pixaby.com

It’s been difficult writing this last week as the realities of this breast cancer diagnosis set in after returning home from San Diego.  Writing is so helpful for me, and it’s really very healing. Writing lassos my thoughts back in, so to speak, and brings me back to truth.  It also helps clear my head, and all clatter and confusion leave for which I’m very thankful. It causes me to focus on the only One that can bring me peace, Jesus Christ.   I pray that it brings glory to God and blesses you as well.

My emotions have been like riding a roller coaster as I unpacked suitcases and began dealing with necessary details.  I for one have never liked roller coasters. The first one that I remember riding, the Mighty Mouse in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, was really scary as it rolled out over the ocean and then made a 90 degree turn.  I was probably around 8 years old, and I knew then that roller coasters wouldn’t be my thing.  Yikes!

Roller coasters start out slowly and then the momentum and acceleration build and build til you arrive at the top.  Once at the top, the roller coaster lets loose, and its almost like free falling at a very fast speed.  Thank goodness for seat belts that hold you in or you would be thrown out of the car!  Roller coasters evoke anxiety and even fear, but for those who love them like two of my grandchildren, it’s great fun.  They squeal and hold their hands up in the air and want to ride again, immediately after the ride finishes.  That’s the way this week’s emotions have been for me, minus the fun part. I definitely don’t want to ride this one again!

Periods of peace have been followed by many different levels of anxiety and fear,  just like a roller coaster.  But in the midst of it all, I’ve truly experienced the effects of the prayers of my family and friends as I’ve had positive shifts that could only come from God answering  prayer.  I can’t begin to express to my family and friends how thankful I am for these prayers.  God’s amazing grace added together with the prayers of the saints are truly what’s sustaining me.

So praise be to God,  as I’ve been on this roller coaster this week with many negative emotions rising up and great anxiety,  I am confident and assured that I too have a seat belt holding me in and this seat belt has a name – Jesus Christ.  He alone is my seat belt and He holds me in, close and secure, so close that at times I can hear His heart beat.  Because of Him, I know that I may stumble, but I will not totally fall. (Psalm 37:24)

The struggle this week, I believe, is perfectly normal after a cancer diagnosis.  We are not to feel condemned nor should we beat ourselves up for the struggle, because as long as we’re on this earth, we’re still human and all of us experience human emotions. (Romans 8:1)  Admitting to and looking at these emotions squarely in the face, allows me to see once again how human I am, and that I’m completely dependent upon Jesus Christ to carry me through this. The question becomes though, what will I do with this anxiety?  I have to make a choice.  Will I allow the anxiety to swallow me up and carry me away, or will I cry out to God and depend upon Him to carry me on wings like eagles? (Isaiah 40:31)  Will I take and use the authority that Jesus has given me to overcome the anxiety or will I submit to its reign of terror?

Some days this week, I didn’t make the right choice, and I was carried away by anxiety.  But today, I choose to take and use the authority that Jesus has given me to loudly roar, as some friends have encouraged me to do, to the enemy and say, “NO in Jesus Name, I refuse this anxiety and you must leave me now! (Matthew 28:18 – 19 & Colossians 1:13) I choose this day to believe the promises of God, and that He has a hope and a future for me!

If we allow God in the midst of our trials and in this case for me, into this trial of cancer,  and depend upon Him and not ourselves,  His peace covers us like a blanket.  His love and grace carry us through the trial,  growing, maturing, and making us more and more into the image of Jesus Christ.  As we grow in Him, our flesh (that part of us that’s not yet controlled by God), is lessened, and we live and walk in the spirit. (Galatians 5:16)  This is all part of the sanctification process.  On most days, we’re healed and delivered little by little, but on some days, the transformation is by leaps and bounds.  I pray that today, my transformation is by leaps and bounds!  I pray that for you as well.

So what do we do with anxiety?   God speaks very clearly about this in Philippians 4:6, 7  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.   And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  So I choose to obey God and I will pray to my Father, in the name of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit.  I will bring Him everything that’s on my heart, thanking and praising Him for who He is and all that He is, thanking Him for my salvation, healing and deliverance and I will bring all my requests boldly to His throne of grace.  

Prayer:  Dear Father, I thank You that we can come boldly to your throne of grace and that you hear our prayers.  I thank You and praise You that You are the God over all creation and that You created us and that we are part of Your creation.  You are God over everything.  I thank You for the many blessings that You have given and that You promise that You will never leave nor forsake us.  I cry out to You for your peace today that passes understanding and that all anxiety leaves me and anyone else that’s dealing with anxiety today.  Come Lord Jesus and heal this cancer and heal all other illnesses and infirmities today. Holy Spirit, give us Your power, strength and courage to face this day and the trial that we are facing.   In Your precious name, Lord Jesus, I pray.  Amen

 Philippians 4:6 & 7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.”

 Jeremiah 29:11  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

Throughout my Christian walk, I’ve really wanted to obey Jesus and surrender all of myself to Him.  Many Sundays we sang worship songs such as “I surrender all” by Jason W. Van DeVenter, 1896.  I truly wanted to obey, but I didn’t really understand what surrender looked like or what it really meant.  As I read  the words of DeVenter’s song, “I surrender all”,  I do believe that DeVenter really got it!  His words, seem to be a prescription or a formula for surrender: loving and trusting Jesus; humbly bowing before Him and letting go of worldly pursuits; experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit and desiring to be filled with the love and power of God.  I think that to write these words, one must have found that sweet place of surrender to Christ.  ( http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/I_Surrender_All/  )    But for me,  I could sing the songs and I knew in my head that surrender was submitting my will and ways to the lordship of Jesus Christ and yet, I wasn’t really there.

We can’t follow a prescription or formula for surrendering completely to Christ, but DeVenter’s words are actions that bring us closer to God.  And we can trust that as we pursue God in faith and desire to obey Him, He will draw us to that place of submission.   Little by little the Lord Jesus in His mercy takes His truths from our minds and deposits them into our hearts, transforming us more and more into His image. If you’ve walked with Christ for any time now, you know that He can transform us in a blink of an eye, as in instantaneous, but often it’s little by little.  This reminds me of one of my favorite verses which describes so much of my walk with the Lord and His sanctifying presence in my life – Exodus 23:29 & 30.  The Lord says that He’s going to drive out our enemies from before us, “But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you.  30 Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.”  Little by little, I surrendered parts of my heart and life to God and He drove out those enemies that were keeping me from totally trusting Him.

Overtime, I began to understand surrender.  I wish that I could say that surrender came easily and quickly for me, but it’s been a process.  My sins of unbelief, fear, and rebellion hindered me from fully surrendering.  I still had the mindset that I knew what was best for my life, the lives of my family, and pretty much the world.  I wasn’t believing or trusting that God is working a good plan, and that He truly is the sovereign God of the Universe.

Several years ago, I was headed to a conference on racial healing.  I had been looking forward to this conference for months.  The day of the conference, I was in excruciating pain from the effects of Lyme Disease.  In utter pain and frustration, standing in my kitchen, I threw my arms up into the air, and I cried out, “What do you want from me, Lord?”  His voice spoke clearly to me  – “Surrender to me.”  I had heard those words before, but this time, a shift took place in my heart and in my life as I repented of my unbelief, fear, and rebellion.  That day I truly surrendered to my Lord and King and submitted my will and ways to Him.  As in the day of my salvation, my life was never the same.

The voice of  the Lord had spoken to me, “Surrender to Me,” and my response was, “Yes Lord, I surrender to you.” But last summer, my response changed to, “Whatever Lord”.  My “whatever Lord” wasn’t a flippant “w h a t e v e r” but a submitted heart crying out to the Lord, “Whatever You have for me Lord Jesus, I receive it and I say yes.”  You see, so many of my plans and the dreams of my heart hadn’t come to fruition.  Disappointments abounded and yet, in the Lord’s kindness and grace to me, He brought me to a place of submitting to Him in a new way,  “Whatever You have for me Lord Jesus, I say Yes!” How does one come from a place of holding back parts of their heart and lives to the Lord to saying “Yes” and then “Whatever You have for me, Lord?”

As we pursue God and desire to obey Him, loving Him and walking with Him, His grace, power, and love transform our hearts.   Repentance, which is from His loving hand,  turns us away from unbelief,  fear, and rebellion and towards Him.  Holy Spirit moves and enables us through His power to surrender it all to Him.  Our love and trust for Him grows, our hearts are humbled as we see Him face to face, and we come to know Him more intimately.  Our fears are exchanged for faith.

At the time a year ago when I said, “Whatever you have for me Lord Jesus, I say yes!” I had no idea what the future held, and I certainly didn’t know that I would be here today, facing a diagnosis of cancer.  But through this journey, in His amazing kindness, He has grown my level of faith to a place where I know that wherever He’s allowing me to go (He didn’t cause this cancer),  He’s right here with me.  He’s leading and guiding me; He’s loving me through it; and He’s got me in the palm of His hand.  These same truths are for you as well.  Wherever you are at this very minute,  the God of the Universe, Father, Son Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit are with you and He will never leave you nor forsake you.  You are in the palm of His hands and His love for you is never failing, never forsaking, and always true.  Say Yes to Him today!

Scripture: Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you ; and help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Prayer:  Dear Father, I thank you for Your amazing grace and for your amazing love.  I thank You that You are always working good for us and that You will never leave us nor forsake us.  I thank You that Your will and Your ways are always the very best for us and that we say yes and amen to You.  Father, I pray that You will strengthen us for the journeys ahead and that Your sustaining grace upholds us by Your righteous right hand.  May we grow in faith and trust You through the trials of this life.  May we glorify You by walking in faith and submitting to Your wills and Your ways in our life.  May we surrender our whole hearts to You more and more everyday.  In the precious name of Jesus Christ we pray.  Amen.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,”declares the Lord, “plans to give you hope and a future.”